#seems he saw no issue with that whatsoever seems be was planning to discard you anyways and you were just his bit on the side to pass time

[starpros-sunshine]

Pls i cant stop thinking about the 5 eccentrics finding out (well, minus wataru) Rei calling Shu like hey, did you hear that eichi got married. And shu being upset wataru didnt tell him, i mean, yes they wanted a private wedding maybe but at least let HIM kno- "no, not to wataru" "......oh tenshouin must have a deathwish then". So it's bad as it is but then they find out wataru didnt know either and ensemble square needs to up its security because theres nothing that can protect eichi from their wrath. I like the idea of passive aggressive rei because he Knows what the others have in store

I think even in that case Wataru would still be like "well...you know, it's a shame but it couldn't be helped" and he'd put such an effort into pretending he's fine but one look at him and it's obvious he's been crying

[mayaparker]

Paper Hearts;

Maya & @rydenbolt discuss the events of the Parade. And then get super off-topic because I’m the worst

Ryden spent good five minutes staring at his phone. Should he or should he not? Will it make things better or worse? Was it appropriate? Was it okay? Fuck it. Better than ignoring the whole deal like it didn’t matter to him. Like it didn’t matter that he had upset Maya and made her probably sad, definitely angry and worried for sure. Because who wouldn’t be? No one likes being stuck in the middle of a very awkward situation. A situation he helped create.

So, he gave Maya’s phone a ring, fingers drumming nervously over the headrest of the park bench he was sitting on. He wasn’t sure why he was so tense, listening to the phone ring into his ear more loudly than it usually would or was he just tripping that? He’d almost hung up but he held in there, keeping the phone pressed to his ear until someone picked up.

Setting down her coffee, Maya pulled her phone out of her pocket. People generally call her so she was a little concerned. The feeling didn’t exactly go away when she saw Ryden’s name on the screen. They had talked briefly the night before, but things still felt unsettled. She worried a little too that this was the goodbye he had promised her. A couple of other options came to mind as well, like that he needed to be bailed out of jail or something, but those were easiest to discard as her overactive anxious imagination. She answered it, “Hey you, what’s up?”

For a split second, he thought he’d stammer. Stupidly enough, Maya’s voice on the other side of the speaker surprised him. Which was stupid because he called her - who else would’ve picked up?? “Uh, um… ‘Sup?” He started lamely, clearing his throat, realizing he’d done it directly into the phone, moved it away and did it again before pressing the device back to his ear.

“Nothin’ much, just… sittin’. Um… You home?” Good going, Ryden. He usually didn’t get this flustered. He could carry on a conversation in the most awkward situations. He could talk to anyone and he always had something to say. Now, he just felt like this giant ball of awkwardness with nothing smart to talk about. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Trying again, hopefully this time with a little bit more success. “You okay, babe?”

Maya frowned although Ryden couldn’t see it. He sounded nervous, which she’d only seen once before. “Nothing much,” she replied. She almost laughed when he said the same, but didn’t. It was a reaction she guessed might make him more nervous. At his question she nodded, although he couldn’t see that either. “Yeah, I’m home,” she said before adding, “Just having my morning coffee.” Her lingering hangover meant she should probably be drinking water.

She waited for him to speak again, still not sure what this phone was about. Maya had yet to rule out that this was his goodbye. She sort of privately hoped that would make him nervous. When he finally spoke it was to ask her if she was okay. “Yeah, I’m okay. Are you okay?” she asked. This was probably about yesterday, she figured. That wasn’t the first time she embarrassed herself like that in public and very much doubted it would be her last. This meant she had long since figured out how to be okay after.

“Oh, um… Okay.” Wow. Cat got his tongue. Not only got it, but ran away to China with it, never to return and sell it to some Chinese black magic witches for catnip. Or something…

Deciding to stop beating around the bush, Ryden cleared his throat in one last attempt to sound less like a bumbling idiot. “Wanna, uh… Share that morning coffee with me? It’s fine if ya already drank it. You can, like, drink juice. Or we can have another cup, whatever.” He suggested, chewing on his bottom lip for a second.

“I’m good. I mean, some loud-ass bird woke me up super early, it had, like, the creepiest matin’ call ever, I freaked out. Couldn’t sleep after. Heh. So… come out and be a miserable mornin’ person with me?? I mean, it’s cool if ya have other plans. We can meet up for Pride later and chill. Or not. Whatever. Do you hate me now?? Am I… Was I a prick? Shit, okay, I can’t keep my mouth shut, I gotta ask, it’s drivin’ me crazy.” There, he blurted it out, like the idiot he was. Great transition there, Bolt. Super smooth.

Maya was about to tell him that she’d be happy to go out for a cup of coffee, but Ryden kept speaking. She waited. And there it was, the reason for his call and, she guessed, his nerves. Closing her eyes she nodded, glad to at least know what was going on. She took a moment to respond, deciding what might be best to say. “You were kind of a prick,” she settled on, “But I don’t hate you. And yeah, I could go for another cup of coffee. I just need to put on shoes and head over. Where do you want to meet?”

As she spoke she dumped the rest of her coffee mug down the drain. It was too hot at the moment to try and chug it. Cradling the phone between her head and shoulder, she rinsed it out. Maya was already decked out in her Pride outfit since it was a casual one. In fact it was quite the opposite of the elaborate paint she’d worn the night before which had taken at least an hour to get off in the shower.

“That… is debatable but, okay, I’ll take it for now.” Ryden mumbled, tone turning slightly defensive for a bit because, obviously, Ryden’s behavior was a reaction to something. As much of a wild card as he was, he still didn’t do things completely out of the blue with no justifiable reason whatsoever. Ryden’s reasons might not always be easy to understand but they were nevertheless there and if he got a chance to explain, awesome. And if not, who cares anyway. Though honestly, he wasn’t really good at explaining things in general. Especially to defend himself. He was so bad at this it just became easier to be the bad guy and let everyone think that. But there was one thing Ryden would not allow himself - and that was to be convinced that he was a bad guy when he wasn’t.

“Uh, does Bean Me Up work for you?” He asked, immensely relieved that she didn’t hate him. Though he wasn’t entirely sure why it would matter.

While Maya had never been called a prick she had been called a bitch more than a few times and ungrateful a greater number. Growing up she’d had something of a mouth on. She still did sometimes. People rarely asked her for her side of the story. This part of her past meant that she assumed Ryden had a reason for how he’d behaved. She always had after all. Fane’s reasons she’d talked out with him. She didn’t expect to talk either of them out of their dislike of each other. Especially not only for her sake. Mostly Maya just didn’t want to be caught in the middle, forced to choose sides.

She also didn’t respond to Ryden’s momentary defensiveness. It wouldn’t help. “Yeah, Bean Me Up, give me fifteen?” she replied. As she did she started up the stairs back to her room. She needed to put on shoes and do her make-up although neither would would take long.

Some fifteen minutes later, Ryden was at Bean Me Up, already occupying a table with a cup of black, sugared coffee in front of him, sipping on it while it was still hot.

The shock of electric blue from a couple of nights before was already entirely gone from his hair and he was back in his usual attire - dark shirt, tight ripped jeans and combat boots on. No jacket because it was obviously getting to hot for that shit.

Noticing Maya entering the coffee shop, he stood up so she’d notice him, giving her a little awkward wave.

Maya made it to the cafe just right about on time. She’d walked from the Savin Estate, which she usually did when coming in to town. Luckily it was a bright sunny day meaning she didn’t show up soaked. As she walked in she looked around the cozy room. Movement in the corner of the room caught her attention and she glanced over to see Ryden standing. He waved, still seeming nervous. She waved back, a little nervous herself.

After going up to the counter both to say hi to Tuah and to get herself a latte. She walked over to the table. Now that they were together in person she couldn’t help but feel anxious. These were not the kinds of conversations she was used to having. Previously there hadn’t really been enough people in her life to have this kind of issue. She wasn’t looking forward either to having to explain herself. The fact that she had completely panicked wasn’t really Ryden or Fane’s fault. Even she hadn’t known it would happen. If she had she would’ve removed herself from the situation before embarrassing herself.

“Sooooooo,” she said as she sat down, “I’m guessing we’re here to talk about the other day?” Maya said it like it was a question even though it wasn’t really. In her lap her fingers played with her rings, a nervous habit.

“Um… we can. Or we can just... Not. Whatever.” Ryden shrugged, acting like it didn’t matter anyway. She didn’t hate him and that was really all that mattered. They could never speak of it again if she wanted that, just as long as she didn’t hate him. He played with the cup of coffee he’d ordered, rolling it between his palms absently.

“You sure you’re cool now?” He asked again, just to make sure. Because honestly, out of everything else, this was his biggest concern.

They should probably talk about it. The adult thing to do was to talk about it. None of that made Maya actually want to talk about it. And yet it was better that then letting it fester and ruin whatever they had. She smiled when he asked if she was cool. Nodding, she replied, “Yeah, I’m cool. That is not the first time I’ve completely lost my shit in public. It’s not my favorite activity, but I am pretty good at recovering from it by now.” She sighed, “And I’m sorry too for it. I just...I don’t know suddenly it was like I was nine years old again listening outside the door as they argued about whether or not I should testify and…” Maya trailed off, shaking her head. The other cause she still didn’t know how to talk about. “Men arguing hasn’t ever really ended well for me, so I kind of freaked out. It wasn’t really anyone’s fault.”

She paused and added, “Well, it was someone’s fault, but they’re back in Salem.”

She picked up her mug and then set it back down again. Running her fingers through her hair, Maya sighed. “I do want to know what the hell happened,” she said, gaze and voice soft, “I did talk to Fane already. I won’t pretend I haven’t. But if I know anything it’s that there’s two sides and usually they’re both legit.” As for Fane she understood where he was coming from, understood the fear and concern that drove him. She didn’t a hundred percent agree with it, but she understood it. She suspected the same would be true of Ryden’s reasons.

“Girl, everyone freaks out from time to time. Heck, ya shoulda seen me when I got here. An SUV hit me and I stopped it with my bare hands and I freaked, yo. Panic attack and all, laboured breathin’ an’ all. Rein had to help me sit down on a trash can cause it happened in the middle of a street, heh. I do not envy Rein for havin’ to deal with me then.” But Ryden was easy to laugh about his troubles. He always had been. Things were only momentarily scary to him and after that, it was either ride or die. If he rode through it, he would laugh about it later cause it just seemed stupid to him to cry about it. Crying was wasting time and energy that could otherwise be used to solve the problem or overcome a hurdle. But Ryden didn’t know that sucking it up wasn’t always the best thing to do. Some things you just have to cry about. Or else one’s very health and mental state suffers. Emotions weren’t made to be bottled up. Controlled sometimes, sure, when appropriate but not reigned in, chained and buried. Because then, you get a perfectly healthy man having breathing issues over most trivial things. Insomnia. Loss of appetite. Depression, anxiety and an overall mess of a person. Ryden hadn’t cried once since Sarah died. And although he didn’t project his trauma on others, not in any direct way at least, he did project it onto himself by not letting himself heal through tears. If you don’t cry on the outside, you will find different ways to cry. And some of those ways were far worse than actually shedding a tear.

So it was totally cool to freak out in public. But… “Babe, ya do know that the argument wasn’t about you, right? I mean, yeah, sure. Standin’ there, watchin’ people argue ain’t really pleasant but… it was never about you. You did nothing wrong.” He reassured her, voice unusually soft for someone who was usually so loud and easy to draw attention.

Hearing what she decided they should talk about, Ryden leaned back against the chair he was sitting in, giving Maya a shrug. “A’ight. What exactly do ya wanna know?” She’d already told him that she spoke to Fane about it, which was normal and good, even. For her. But Ryden was pretty sure that the man had said all the nasty things he possibly could, in privacy where no one would be able to stop him. And now, Ryden was probably painted all black. Thus the fear of Maya possibly hating him now. Luckily that doesn’t seem to be the case after all.

“Now I gotta warn ya… I don’t do any o’that sweet talkin’ polite stick up yo ass bullshit. Whatever ya ask, I’ll tell ya things as they are or as I see ‘um, and it’s up to people who listen if they’ll be butthurt about it or not. Cause I ain’t tiptoeing. That ain’t me. Me don’t do that. I either tell you the truth, I tell you exactly what I think or I don’t talk at all. We don’t know each other that well, so I gotta put that out there. A little disclaimer. God knows I need one on me every time I open my mouth. So… I don’t mean to trash talk your dad, uh… I’m sure he’s an awesome dad to you and his family but… He was kinda trash to me. So if ya don’t want to hear that from a stranger, maybe better not continue this convo, ya dig? Up to you, babe.” He warned, letting it sit for a minute and settle, giving Maya time to process and rethink.

Maya gave a tired crooked smile. She didn’t argue that getting hit by a car or using the new powers, for lack of a better term, that had been forced on you were perfectly reasonable reasons to freak out in public. She, on the other hand, did it for what she considered silly reasons because of events that were long over, things she ought to just get over. She should be over it by now. After all she was safe now. There was no reason for her to be so afraid, for her mind to be a minefield of fight or flight responses. She didn’t have to fight so much anymore.

And yet her brain hadn’t completely left that place. Old habits, after all, died hard, especially those that had kept her alive.

Nodding, Maya replied, “No, yeah, I know. I didn’t think it was about me. I just…” She shrugged, not sure exactly what the trigger had been. “I don’t know, it felt too similar or I was just worried enough about the whole thing or…” she sighed, “I have no idea what actually tripped my brain. If I did I would’ve avoided it.” She shook her head, feeling guilty for managing to make it about her. That was what everyone was worried about now. Her. Instead of better and more worthy things.

She listened as Ryden gave his disclaimer. As she did she sipped her latte. Although she didn’t actually know him well she was not surprised to hear him say that he wouldn’t hold back what in thought in the interest of being polite. She had been there, after all, and listened to Ryden speak to Fane to his face. She’d hardly expected him to be more cautious with his words when Fane wasn’t around. She set her mug down. “That’s okay,” she replied, “I love the guy, but I’m not laboring under the delusion that he’s perfect.” Maya didn’t expect to entirely agree with whatever Ryden said, just as she hadn’t entirely agreed with Fane. Her disagreement didn’t make how either of them felt any less legitimate though. It would help her to know too.   

“No, it’s okay. Really.” Ryden once again attempted to reassure her and the way he was so casual about it and ready to move on and put it behind them was a telltale sign that he thought it was perfectly okay and didn’t require further explanation on Maya’s part. “Shit happens, we all get emotional and things sometimes get out of hand. No need for a reason, it just happened and now it’s over. Forget about it. Important thing is you good now.” And that was it, as far as he was concerned. He had no problems with it and it was resolved, unless Maya wanted to talk more about it. The other thing though was far from resolved…

“Now… as for what happened on that particular day… it was durin’ that blob shower thing. I was at a diner, just had lunch, was chillin’ and then I notice these… things falling like hail. And I was like, what the?? And I went out, was gonna get Princess parked somewhere else, so she wouldn’t get gunk all over her. And then somethin’... Somethin’ fell on my face. And after that everythin’ was… just a blur.”

“Like, at first, I couldn’t remember anythin’. Now it’s slowly comin’ back, when I think real hard about it. How I remember it was… I was trippin’ balls, babe. I saw shit. And I couldn’t snap out of it. Ya watched that movie? Mad Max Fury Road? It was like that, okay? I was trippin being in that fuckin’ movie. And it was kinda awesome, yeah, and I stole a car, whatever. But I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t… me at the time. I was someone else and the whole world was somethin’ else. Freakiest shit ever.”

“And then I suppose I drove off, trippin’ whatever I was trippin’ and Fane chased after me. On my bike. Prolly took it cause it was parked close. I don’t know. And yanno, like, if ya trippin’ ya in an action movie, shit will get down, okay. A car chase never ends good. We crashed into a lake cause he jumped on the car, tried to take over, I wouldn’t let him because at that point, I am pretty sure we were both crazy trippin’ and that was that. We were in a car accident. And when I came around it was all done. The car was sunk, my bike was off in a ditch a mile away which I will find out later and yer dad kinna got the worst of it. Point is… I could’ve bailed on ‘um. I could’ve been like, fuck this shit I’m outta here and honestly, confused and fuckin’ disoriented as I was, it woulda been a perfectly legit thing to do.”

“But I didn’t bail. I pick the guy up, I help him out, I try to sort things out and he pisses all over me, all the while. Okay, fine. Whatever. It was a scary situation, we were both shaken up, fine. But then, he comes at the Pride event, comes up to me and he’s like ’uuuh, and you are??’. Bitch, you know damn well who I am, I dragged your ass outta that lake the other night and you come up like you so important, ya can’t possibly know a trash like me?! For fuckin’ real? You wanna talk about disrespect? That’s some disrespect right there. Pssh.” Ryden huffed, shaking his head a little. He settled for a moment, just to regain his easily lost composure because damn, did just thinking about all this piss him off…

Maya listened as Ryden explained, from his point of view, what had happened. As she did she was careful not to compare his story to Fane’s. Although it was mostly the same with a few different details. At the end of it she felt the same as when she had spoken with Fane. The magic, and whoever had caused it, was to blame for the crash. She remembered how vivid her own hallucinations at the time had been. She and Iann had robbed a bank for Pete’s sake. At the same time though she could understand Fane’s fear. She knew more about fear than most. As for the parade she saw both sides as well. Fane with his fear and concern for his kids had come over. He had made clear he didn’t think that he intended to start anything, but Maya didn’t agree. Conscious or not she didn’t think Fane’s only motivation was curiosity.

In light of their first meeting Maya could understand too Ryden being annoyed, even angry when Fane didn’t seem to acknowledge who he was. Although she’d never felt it from Fane she knew that feeling all too well. She knew what it was like to be treated like trash or to feel like she was. The mouthing off wasn’t the best way to change it, but she’d given in to the same impulse. More than a few times. As she saw it the whole interaction came with baggage: Fane’s fear of being taken away from his family and Ryden’s history of being looked down on. None of which was easy to overcome. She still didn’t expected them to either, not when the only incentive was it making her life slightly easier.

For a long moment she said nothing. When she finally spoke it was soft, “Thank you, for telling me. For whatever it counts for, and I don’t expect that to be much, I don’t think that car accident was your fault. I told Fane as much, that I didn’t think it was entirely fair to be angry with you for it, given the magic involved.” She shrugged, “Didn’t convince him out of it, not that I expected it to. It’s a lot easier to be angry and I don’t expect I could convince either of you how worthy the other one is no matter how much I believe it.”

She played with her parents’ wedding bands, twisting them as she said the part she did think she could influence. “At the end of the day I’m...fuck it, I’m scared that someday I’m going to be asked to choose. I don’t have a lot of experience being caught between people,” Maya laughed, “That requires more people than have historically been in my life. But I don’t have some delusion that if I were to ask for it the two of you will be best friends. All I’m asking is that you don’t ask me to pick a side, don’t hate me for not choosing. I don’t want to lose either of you.”   

“Thank you!” Ryden exclaimed, raising his arms a little. Finally someone who didn’t think the whole shebang was his fault. Ryden was a lot of things and he for sure was not a perfect person. But when he wasn’t guilty, he wasn’t guilty. And with time, spending his life having few to no people standing up for him, he learned real good how to stand up for himself. His methods of defending his point weren’t always a perfect way to handle things, yes, but when Ryden Bolt wasn’t guilty, he will plead not guilty. And fuck everyone who says otherwise.

Taking a sip of his coffee, mostly to ease his frustration more than anything - and because cold coffee was just gross - Ryden gave another shrug. “I ain’t angry. Just kind of annoyed, I guess. Cause yanno, in the end, he’s not important to me. He can think whatever the fuck he wants. I don’t need his thanks, I don’t need his apology, never asked for any of that. I know who I am and I know what I do - and I know when I do good and when I do bad. That’s enough for me. Fuck ‘um. Sorry babe, but fuck ‘um. I got bigger problems than Fane Savin.”

And seriously, those problems could not compare. If this didn’t escalate, Ryden would’ve already moved on, to be honest. Focused on getting his bike fixed so he could move on as soon as possible and get out of town, keep moving. Keep the Man in Black at bay.

“I ain’t askin’ that.” Ryden stated, matter of factly. “And just like I told Faye, if your family makes ya feel like ya gotta choose, nothin’ I can do there. It’s somethin’ your family needs to fix. That’s family affairs and I ain’t touchin’ that. It wouldn’t be right for me to get involved there. It’s not my business.”

Maya nodded, not quite glad to hear it. She certainly didn’t wish bigger problems on him, but if he had them anyway it meant this wouldn’t be the problem she worried it might be. She still worried a little about a minor part of what Fane had said. He had classified both her and Dani’s relationships with Ryden as him messing about with them. Of course Maya couldn’t speak for Dani, but she didn’t think that any part of her personal interactions with Ryden were him simply messing about with her, if only because all the sex had been initially her suggestion. God, she hoped that wasn’t what it was. Either way Maya was an adult who could be friends, or more than friends, with whoever she chose. Any issue Fane had with that, or mistake he thought she was making, was between her and Fane. They could cross that bridge when they came to it. “Okay,” she said because clearly Ryden’s mind was made up. She didn’t mention the rest of it, pretty sure not only that it wouldn’t help matters, but that it didn’t matter.

She sighed and shook her head. “They didn’t either. I don’t know, it’s all in my head, I guess. Too many high school movies or…” she shrugged and looked down at the table, “Too many trials maybe.” It felt sometimes like her whole life had been a battle. She always fighting someone or something. The Shaws, the foster care system, certain foster families, her own brain more often than not. And she was tired of fighting. Maya took a deep breath before bringing her gaze back up to Ryden. “But now that I’ve heard it from both of you it’ll be a lot easier to talk myself out of being paranoid.” She smiled again, still crookedly. Her expression was self-deprecating. She knew that she didn’t react the way she was supposed to, that she worried too much, needed reassurance too often. “Also not my favorite activity, but I’ve gotten pretty good at it too.”

“Well, that’s good.” Ryden nodded but he’d already heard as much from Faye, who had approached him basically on the same day and talked things through with him. They were dealing with this as a family and although Ryden was glad, he still had no business in there and wasn’t about to butt in. Because that was simply something his meddling could never fix, no matter his good intentions.

“Good.” Ryden nodded again, reaching across the table to poke Maya’s hand playfully. A small smirk quirked his lips. “Fake it till ya make it, whatever~” Not that he actually thought Maya was being a fake or anything like that. Maya’s efforts were real and she was trying her best, for herself and others. Ryden could appreciate that kind of strength. But sometimes, we just fake strength for the ones we love. Maya had probably been doing a lot of that during her life, especially now for her new family, which she wished for from the bottom of her heart. And that was okay. In that context, putting up a bit of a front wasn’t a bad thing. But it was up to the family in question to know exactly what’s behind it.

There were things in her life that Maya had simply accepted and gotten used to. At some point it was too much to stay angry and she worried that would only leave her bitter and mean. Since arriving in Soapberry Springs less than a year ago several of her accepted truths had been proven false. The most easily noticed one was the family she was sure she would never have. The one that had snuck up on her was casual touch. She had long since gotten used to the only kind of physical affection she got being in the context of sex.

Here though that was no longer true. Therefore Maya smiled, expression softening when Ryden poked her hand. “Alright,” she said, “Now that I’m done being weird and emo can we talk about literally anything else? Maybe how you’ve secretly been a badass DJ this whole time? What other secret skills do you have?” She wanted to move past the whole thing and she thought that Ryden did too. Now that it was out in the open rather than festering in the dark she felt she could.

“Heh, ya mean aside from my mad tongue skills?” He stuck his tongue out at her, teeth catching on the piercing in there. “Yeah, just somethin’ I picked up along the way. Ummm…” He thought about her question for a second. “I can cook. Fix cars. Good at soccer. Sports in general. Good at brawlin’. Did some boxing and MMA for a little while. Rocky style, heh. I don’t know. Stuff.”

As he spoke, he reached out, his hand picking hers up, playing idly with her fingers and the rings on them, the same ones he’d noticed her fiddle with a lot. “What’s that? Somethin’ special? Gift from an ex?” He raised her hand to inspect the wedding bands she had on.

Maya laughed, “Well, that wasn’t a secret. At least not to me anyway.” She listened with interest as he described, vaguely, some of his other talents. The brawling didn’t surprise her, but she was curious as to his cooking skills. Of course that was always partially a professional interest. While her best skills were in baking at some point following a recipe was following a recipe. There was always something to be learned from other people though when it came to the kitchen. “Didn’t Rocky lose?” she teased.

She shook her head, “Nah, I only got the one ex and when he tried to give me a ring, I ran out of the restaurant.” She had to laugh and shake her head again. It had been a mess. The whole relationship really had been a mess. Well, not exactly. It had been normal and she desperately wanted normal at the time. As it turned out wanting to be with someone to be normal and not for them wasn’t a great foundation for love. He too had wanted her for something other than herself. They both recognized that now, although last she’d checked she still featured in his stand up routine. “They were my parents’. These and a recipe book my dad was writing are all I have left of them,” Maya explained. In an effort to save her daughter’s life her mom had destroyed all of the photos of the family. As for anything else much of it had gone into evidence or been lost over the years.

“Sometimes he lost, sometimes he won.” Ryden shrugged with a grin.

He couldn’t help cringing visibly, feeling kind of sorry for the guy who got stood up in the middle of a proposal apparently. “Yeesh… Couldn’t ya have at least, like, walked out? Ya had to run?” He chuckled, shaking his head at Maya. “So… You’ve been almost engaged, huh?” That was an interesting piece of info.

But he got a bit more serious as Maya spoke about her parents’ wedding rings. “Oh, that’s cute.” And he didn’t mean it in an undermining kind of way. It was really sweet. He took a better look at them but when he was done, he kept Maya’s hand on his, lowering them down on the table. “Yer dad was a cook? Or a baker too?”

Maya shook her head again, “I mean, I remember it as running, but I was wearing heels at the time, so technically I was probably walking. It was a shitshow, though. Someone told later that he uses it in his stand up routine and, like, if I hated him for that. But if we’re honest it’s only fair. Last time we talked it was so I could explicitly give him my blessing for it, in case anyone tried to give him shit.”

Making a face she considered for a moment, “Technically, but I don’t so much consider it that. I had no idea he was going to do it and can’t for the life of me figure out why he did. I think we really wanted to love each other, but we didn’t. I know I didn’t and I don’t think I ever let him know me enough for him to love me.” Her expression softened a little, “He was a good guy though. He’ll make someone else happy and I couldn’t have made him happy.” She shook her head. It had been a long time since she thought of Jonah. She hoped vaguely that he was well and made a mental note to see if she couldn’t find one of his routines on YouTube.

She wasn’t quite sure how she felt about it when Ryden didn’t let go of her hand. It felt nice certainly, but it wasn’t something she was used to. Carson had never held her hand except a few times to tug her out of the way of taxis or messenger bikes. It was nice though, so she didn’t pull her hand away. “Yeah, he was a baker, not by trade though. He was a lawyer by trade. But I got my magic from him. We used to spend whole Saturdays in the kitchen, making a mess usually. He was never good at making it pretty though, always said it mattered more what tasted like than what it looked like.” Her eyes were unfocused, staring off into the middle distance. She had few memories of her parents, but there were a few that she’d managed to hold onto through the years. Most of those featured the cozy kitchen she’d spent so many happy hours in before she’d lost them.

“Mmm. Heels. I like you in heels.” Ryden hummed, his smile turning a bit dreamy for a second. Because heels were hot, period. He chuckled then. “Yeah, at least give the guy that. Cause it is kind of funny. And it’s good he’s having a laugh about it now.”

Listening to her and Jonah’s story, Ryden nodded. “Shit happens. Relationships fall apart. You guys tried and prolly had some good times together and that was that. No one’s fault.” At least that was how Ryden saw it.

“Shiit, that’s adorable.” Ryden admitted with a huge grin, running his thumb over Maya’s knuckles. Maya would just have to get over Ryden being all touchy-feely. Because that was simply how Ryden was. He craved physical contact and it usually meant nothing more than a need for closeness, a need for physical touch. Maybe that was how he was brought up, having an overly affectionate mother. Or maybe that was just how he was, speaking even more loudly with his hands and his body than his already loud enough voice. Not touching someone he liked was like not looking them in the eyes for Ryden - rude and lonely. Like there are walls between people that don’t need to exist.

“And what did your momma do?” He asked, letting go of her hand now so he could pick up his coffee mug and sip on it.

Maya smiled as Ryden said that he liked her in heels. She thought briefly of She’s the Man where someone, she couldn’t remember who now, argued that heels were a man’s invention to make a woman’s butt look bigger and hard to run away. Of course the simple solution, on the one or two occasions she’d had a problem while in heels, she’d just taken them off.

“Well you know what they say, comedy is just tragedy plus time,” she joked. At first she hadn’t easily been able to joke about it either. While Maya was sure her own embarrassment was far outweighed by Jonah’s it had been mortifying for her too. She nodded at his summation of it. That relationship, her only real one, was one of the least tragic things in her life. At the end of the day they simply weren’t compatible and that wasn’t really anyone’s fault.

“Oh yeah, I was adorable back then,” she replied. If she had any pictures she would’ve offered to show him. However since they’re weren’t she just didn’t mention it. When he withdrew his hand she did the same a moment later. “She was a teacher, history at the high school in town. And a master illusionist, used to make fireworks shows out of her fingertips for the Fourth of July.” Maya took a deep breath and picked up her coffee. It was only lukewarm now, but she wasn’t about to waste something she’d paid for. “What about you?” she asked, “What’d your parents do?”

“Pretty much~” Ryden agreed with a happy chirp.

“Oh really? What happened to you?” He snickered, leaning back against the chair just in case Maya decided to take a swing at him for this.

“That is so awesome, oh my god.” Ryden was seriously impressed. He would’ve loved to see these fireworks. But when he was asked about his own parents, he just sort of shrugged. “Dad was good at not bein’ around. At all. Momma did everythin’ she could. She couldn’t finish school cause she got me. So she did whatever job was out there to keep us afloat. Now she’s a nurse and I think she’s happy with that. She likes that job. She did real good. Real proud of my momma~” He smirked before adding. “Not sure if she can say the same ‘bout me, I was a hell to raise, heh.”

Rolling her eyes, Maya replied, “I got super hot, obviously.” It was a joke, of course. She’d never considered herself exceptionally much of anything. It was among the facts she’d simply gotten used to in her life. She was average in all except a few tragic circumstances.  

“Yeah, they were awesome,” she agreed. Her tone became bittersweet as she said it. While she tried not to think about it sometimes, especially while on the topic, she wondered what she might’ve been like if they had lived. If even just one of them had lived. Her smile didn’t fade, but her dark eyes were sad. She didn’t mind talking them though, not in this context when they were all happy and alive.

Her expression sobered a little as Ryden talked about his own parents. She made a mental note about his dad, but quickly discarded any other thought about the man. If he had no interest in being important then it was easy for her to dismiss him. His mother therefore she reserved her curiosity for. She didn’t say that clearly his mom had a good job raising him. It sounded too corny even in her own head. Smiling, she replied, “Well, she sounds like a badass.” It was a compliment. Maya knew her fair share of strong women and single mothers always fell into that category. It was a difficult thing to raise a child, she knew, partially because all evidence said she herself was too difficult to raise. And to do it alone could only be so. “And how about this? If I ever met her I’ll put in a good word for you. Tell her about how you saved my ass from that freak snowstorm,” she added with a hint of teasing.

As a thought occurred to her her expression again grew serious. “Does she know?” Maya asked, “About your being a werewolf, I mean.” She paused for only half a second before reconsidering the question especially in light with the discomfort she’d witness for him on the topic. “Sorry, nevermind, I shouldn’t have asked that. It’s not my business.”  

“Well yeah… I guess that happened.” Ryden hummed but he took too long to admit it. It was intentional, of course, the hesitation meant to tease Maya.

His expression softened in response to her sad one. Of course, every child has love for their parents, no matter how they are. Maya obviously adored hers. Ryden could only imagine how much it hurt to lose them so early on.

On a lighter note, Ryden enjoyed gushing about people he adored, his mother included. “Hell yeah, baddest momma around. She’s one lioness of a woman.” He grinned widely, the sharp canines peeking out. “Don’t think she’ll believe ya any. She knows how I am, heh. For any good thing I’ve done, she knows there are at least ten times as many fuckups to follow.” He said it in a light tone, making it obvious that it was probably just a running joke between them.

At her next question, he shook his head. “Naw it’s fine. She don’t know. And I’d like to keep it that way. She’s um… out there, in the ‘human world’. She don’t know any of this shit. For the better. I, uh… don’t know how she’d handle it.”

Maya stuck her tongue out at him, “If I didn’t know any better I’d think you were trying to rile me up.”

Even having just talked about her own parents she felt no jealousy or envy as Ryden talked about his mom. Her experience was thankfully not anywhere close to universal. She laughed when said that his mom wasn’t likely to to believe her. “Yeah, well considering I don’t even have a passport it wasn’t that great an offer anyway,” she replied, “I’d hold out for a better one.”

Her gratitude, not only that wasn’t angry with her for asking at but he’d also given her an answer, displayed itself clearly on her face. She nodded when he admitted that his mom didn’t know that he was a werewolf. Maya didn’t ask if his mom at least knew where he was. She’d already pushed her luck. Besides it wasn’t like he didn’t know his mother was probably worried about him. That was what parents did after all. Instead she said, “I didn’t tell anyone. When I left New York, god coming up on two years ago now. My best friend was ex-Army, a wolf too, and all I could think about was protecting him, getting as far away from Shaw and anyone he might hurt to get to me as possible. I didn’t contact any of them until I was safe, until Shaw was dead. So I get it, at least partially, is my point.”

“Me? Why, I’d never.” Ryden feigned shock at her accusation, following it up with a little gasp.

Then he’d sighed out a huff of relief, which was also feigned. “Good. Cause thinkin’ bout what you two would talk about behind my back just gives me the creepers. Brrr.” He shook himself, knowing that Genna would jump for the first opportunity to gossip about her own son. Show some baby pictures, though there weren’t many because they couldn’t exactly afford a camera. Show off his drawings when he was a kid, not that he was good at drawing - actually, he was terrible at it. Show off his medals and trophies he’d won, playing soccer in school and doing boxing when he was a bit older. Yup. That would be a seriously embarrassing experience. Not to mention she’d immediately assume Maya was his girlfriend and be all ecstatic about it. That… would be very awkward too, explaining that she’s not. And then, his momma would probably talk about Sarah and cry a little… Which would be the most awkward thing of all. So yes, it was a good thing Maya couldn’t meet Genna. Although Ryden knew they would instantly get along.

“It’s sort of easier that way, isn’t it?” He concluded, as Maya revealed her own experience on sharing what she was with other people. “Even if they end up resentin’ ya for it.”

“Because you know I would 100% bribe her with cupcakes to tell me embarrassing stories about you?” Maya teased. It was exactly what she would do if given the chance. She would make no real effort to meet his mom though. She had been told enough times that she was a bad influence both by parents directly and by kids who said they weren’t allowed to hang out with her anymore. Generally it was the more subtle cues than that, which told her she wasn’t wanted. In her experience parents rarely liked her. Ryden’s mom would probably think the same, that she was bad news.

She laughed almost bitterly, “I don’t know about easier. I don’t think there’s anything easy about it, but better, I guess, in the end.” It was an awful decision to have to make. Carson didn’t agree with hers, she knew that. Maya thought she was right though and certainly couldn’t fault herself for making it. Her fear had been no small motivating factor. She was proven right too, she felt, by Shaw’s eventual claims that he’d kidnapped people she cared about. If she had stayed that’s all that would’ve happened. “Carson doesn’t hate me, at least not for that. I’m not sure I can say the same for the fact I didn’t come back to New York,” she said, “But not for disappearing without a word.” There was no doubt in her mind that Ryden’s mother would forgive him. She didn’t think it would hurt to hear though that at least in her case she hadn’t been resented for the decision. Maybe not much, but a little.  

“Yeah, I know, that’s what I’m afraid of. She’s… too easy to bribe. Especially with cupcakes.” Ryden hummed, looking like he was about to change the topic. Which he did. Well, rather, Maya did and he just steered the conversation that way a bit further. “Yeah…” He agreed, with no small amount of some oppressive feeling weighing him down. It was a strange mix of guilt, fear and anticipation, anxiousness and tension. Kind of like those dreams when you’re running away from something through some intricate maze you cannot figure out, just barely making it in the end. It kind of felt like that, protecting people in that way. Complicated and just barely making it. “Well, that’s good. I mean, now that Shaw is dead, ya can always go visit Carson, right? Smooth things out?” He suggested because why not? The hunter was gone and Maya totally could, if she wanted to.

Just a few minutes ago she’d promised being weird and emo and somehow they’d gotten onto the at least mildly depressing topics anyway. She let them go. Shrugging about the prospect of returning to New York to visit Maya replied, “I will probably will at some point. But it’s a money issue. I’ve just about saved up for my own place and airplanes tickets aren’t cheap.” She also wasn’t entirely sure if she could face Carson, not after what she had done to Shaw. His guilt had never left him, but hers came and went. “Have you ever been?” she asked, “To New York, I mean.”

Well, Ryden could relate there. He barely had any money and he had a lot of traveling to do. Part of the reason why he stayed at Soapberry for this long. “It’ll happen. If you could save up for your own place, you can save up for a plane ticket.” He reasoned. Because real friends can wait, and late was better than never.

“Nope. First time across the pond. I’ve stopped at a few cities on my way here though, but not New York.” He admitted. Before the bite, Ryden hadn’t traveled much, if at all. There was just no money. The money he was spending now, running away from the Man in Black was the cash he and Sarah saved up for their own house and for a trip to Thailand. Because Sarah had always wanted to visit Thailand for some reason and Ryden worked day and night to take her there one day. Both hard working in their own way, doing their best, they saved up quite a lot. But Ryden didn’t need it now. And the only thing that came in handy was so he could run away from the one pursuing him using that money. And it was quickly running out.

Yet another reason he settled here for a bit longer than he’d initially intended to. He was still considering taking up another part time job along the ones he had at Erzebet’s and the Fainting Goat. “By the way… Does your bakery need any help? Anyone to do some grunt work, whatever?”

“Yeah, I might be able to convince him to come out here too. Sell him on some cool new werewolf friends,” Maya replied.

She couldn’t help, but get a little excited when Ryden said he hadn’t been. She loved New York. “Okay, I know I’m a walking cliche, but if you have the chance you should go. It really is magic,” she said. She could’ve sympathized with his dwindling funds. It was the same problem she’d had while on the run herself. In Madison she’d had to pawn her mother’s engagement ring. It was that event which caused her to wear so many rings now. While most of her magic was like her father’s she had a little skill in illusion. She bought a bunch of cheap rings at Forever 21 or somewhere similar and could trick pawn shops into thinking they were real gold. And there was of course the lack of money which had landed her in Fane’s house.

But if she had known that Ryden was running from someone she would’ve told him to stay and ask for help. After all running hadn’t saved her from Shaw. But she didn’t know so all Maya could do was respond to the actual question he asked, “I don’t know, but I can ask.”

“Hahaha sure, I’ll give him a tour, if I’m still around by then.” Ryden offered, though he knew he probably wouldn’t be.

On the topic of traveling to New York, Ryden wasn’t against it at all. “Hey, I’d love to travel anywhere. If I could, I’d travel the world. So sure, maybe, why not.” He grinned. Maybe that will kind of be his next destination. He haven’t decided yet. He was trying to be as unpredictable as possible, so the Man in Black wouldn’t catch a pattern.

“Would you? Cause that’d be awesome, I’d really appreciate it. Unless ya wouldn’t want to see my ugly mug at work too, that’s completely cool.”

Maya’s face dropped for half a second at the reminder that eventually Ryden would leave. Her gut response was to close herself off, lessen if she could the pain that would inevitably result from it. It was too late to avoid any pain. It was this fact which prompted her to reject her gut response. It was going to hurt anyway so she might as well have a good time beforehand. She recovered her expression quickly though. “You should. It’s an easy place to get lost in, the opposite of here,” she replied, “I used to love that about it.”

She nodded easily, “Yeah, no problem.” Laughing she added, “Honestly I get really focused at work, especially with the icing, so I might not even notice you’re there. But I can’t say I’d mind if i did.”

“Hah, I got lost here too! I suppose I’ll lose myself often in New York!” Ryden barked out a pleasant, contagious laughter, loving the idea of so many places to visit, so many places to go till you weren’t sure anymore where you’ve started and where you’re gonna end up at.

“Mmm, okay, I’ll easily get your attention if I steal some o’that icin’ straight off yer cupcakes~” He waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively, this totally being an intentional pun. “Jokes aside, I would appreciate it. If it happens, great, if not, no biggie. I just need work, gonna take any chance I get.”

Maya laughed, “Honestly, I loved being lost in New York. Partially because you never really lost, its is a grid system. But I grew up in a fish bowl, so being lost in crowds, being no one it felt like I was finally free. And I love it here, don’t get me wrong. But there’s no getting lost in this town.” To her though Soapberry felt like a fish bowl only in the way all small towns did. That she didn’t mind so much.

Shaking her head she laughed again. “No to that with actual icing because I get real art up in that shit,” she replied, “And potentially yes to the inappropriate joke you’re making as soon as I figure exactly what it means.” Maya had the suspicion that his looking for more work wasn’t about keeping himself out of trouble or figuring out what career he wanted. She guess that it was to be able to pay his way out of town. She couldn’t claim to truly want to help him with that. She would though because it was obviously what he wanted. “But yeah, don’t worry about it. I’ll ask. My boss might be able to hook you up with the caterer. I hear they get a bunch of special events over the summer and probably need extra bartenders.”

“Lost in New York… Isn’t that, like, a title for a movie?” Ryden laughed with her but he could easily see what she meant. He was from a small community too and everyone in the hood knew everyone. And with a toxic environment, that just made everything worse. Traveling to places where no one knew him, where he could get lost, meet new people… Ryden had never felt more liberated in his entire life.The only problem was he wished Sarah was by his side, traveling with him.

“Oooh. Okay. Then I’ll just watch. Stand behind your back and breathe against your neck.” Giving her a look, he smirked wickedly. “You think about it, lovely. Think about it real hard when you’re home alone at night.”

“Okay, sweet! I’m down for that. You just let me know whenever.” Which was more than he could ask for, and he was really grateful that she was willing to put up an effort for him.

“A’ight, so, we had our coffee… What else o ya wanna do today? I’m off work. It’s cool if you got better things to do!”

[butterflysuki77]

Scars - Chapter Three

*A/N - I highly recommend reading the story in order, so please start with the prologue (links below).   (Gif credit to original poster)

Scars: Prologue : One : Two : Three :  Four : Five : Six : Seven : Eight : Nine : Epilogue :

Scars - Chapter Three

Pairing: Kim TaeHyung x Reader

Genre:  Angst, Mystery, Crime, Romance (Fluff and Smut-lite intermingled with angst)

Word Count: 4.1K

Chapter 3:

It was Thursday… That meant it had been two full days since your break room escapades with V… which was also the longest you had gone without hearing from him since you’d known him.  You had been the first to contact him after coffee the first time, and really didn’t want to be the first to contact him after that.  Everything had seemed so perfect!  The chemistry…. You’d thought it would be good… but the reality was intoxicating.  You had expected to hear from him either later that night or the next morning… but nothing.  You let Tuesday slip by, thinking he was probably just busy.  After leaving work Wednesday without hearing from him at all, you started to worry.  Had it all been just you?  Was he disappointed?  Had you done something wrong?

You braced your forehead on your hands and took a deep breath.  No!  You hadn’t done anything wrong!  Something had to be going on…  This was still all relatively new, and honestly you were both pretty busy.  Too busy to send a frickin’ text? Was it so hard to just send a quick message saying, ‘Hey, Y/N… I enjoyed sucking on your neck the other day!?’

You sighed and tried to relax.  Looking down at your half eaten lunch, you tried to muster up enough of an appetite to finish it because you knew you’d be hungry later… but it was no use.  You took your tray up to the drop off, embarrassed for all the food that remained, and left the cafeteria.  You felt like you were in a daze as you headed back to your cubicle, only to stop in complete shock at the entrance of it. 

Your office chair had been slashed… contents of your filing cabinet had been strewn all over the floor, papers torn and stepped on.  There was post-it note was stuck to your computer monitor that read ‘Die Bitch,’ and it made you sick. You looked around in horror, then around your office.  Had nobody seen this happen!?  Had nobody stopped it!?  Granted, everything that was a mess was below the walls, but someone had to have seen something…  Did this floor have no security whatsoever!?  You were fed up with this shit. 

You took out your phone and started taking pictures at different angles.  You noticed the slight footprints in the papers, along with a few indentations and puncture marks… heels?  If it was a woman doing these things, you felt slightly more comfortable because you had a pretty good idea why… also, you could totally kick her ass… Before you started cleaning up, you had an idea… It would break the rule you had given yourself about not being the one to contact him first, but at least this had nothing to do with the other night.  It was pure business.  You opened your messenger, added a photo of your devastated cubicle and sent it to V… no text included.  You leaned down to start picking up the papers when you received a message.  Seconds? Really?  After days of not speaking to me? 

V: ‘What the hell happened?  Are you ok?’  You tried not to feel bitter… only happy that he was actually concerned about you… but you were petty anyway.

You: I didn’t know you cared… but yes, I’m fine.  Do you have any hidden camera stuff I can set up?  No response.  You waited another minute… nothing.

Damn it… you should have just kept your mouth shut.  You just stared at the papers on the floor for a long while.  A couple people walked by and stared for a second before moving on without saying anything.  Bastards…  You knelt down and started cleaning it up.  You’d organize it later, but at least you could get it off the floor for now.  Your chair was another story altogether… but you could maybe cover it with something?  You felt your eyes starting to sting as you looked up at the note on the monitor.  Die?  Really? 

“Y/N…”  You turned and saw V standing at your cubicle opening, holding his bag.  He was panting as if he’d run here and his brows were furrowed in concern.  You couldn’t do anything but look at him, trying your best not to cry.  He dropped the bag and knelt down beside you taking you into his arms.  You expected the comfort to make you start crying, but instead it encouraged you… gave you strength.  Your shoulders dropped in relief and you rested your forehead on his shoulder, your arms still dangling at your sides.  You felt V stiffen and he pulled back.  He was staring at the computer screen.  You scrambled out of his arms and tried to get the note before he did, but you weren’t fast enough.  V grabbed it off the monitor and glared at it.

“Give it back…” you said, embarrassed. 

“How long has this been going on?” he asked, his voice sounding dangerously low.  You crossed your arms over your chest.

“Since the time you said my computer had been tampered with…” you confessed.  He crumpled the note and threw it in the trash can under your desk.

“What else has happened?” he asked, not meeting your eyes.

“Not much…” you said looking down.  “Just notes here and there.”

“Notes like that one?”  He finally looked at you, and you nodded.  “Do you still have them?” 

“Why?” you asked, hesitant. You did have them… though you didn’t know why you’d kept them. 

“I want to see them,” he said softly.  “Please…”  You were frozen for a moment, but you finally moved, opening your bottom drawer and digging through your purse.  You should have just thrown them away in the first place… or lied.  Why hadn't you just lied!? You pulled out three folded pieces of paper from the side pocket and hesitantly handed them over.  V opened them, reading them one by one…  You already had them burned into your memory.

‘Fucking Slut’

‘Whore Trash’

‘Disgusting C*nt’

You watched as V’s face got more and more severe.  He ripped the notes in half, then again, crushed the pieces in his fist and dropped them in the trashcan with the other discarded note.  He took a deep breath, then looked at you.  You dropped your eyes, not wanting to see his pity.  It was only a moment before he wrapped an arm around your shoulder, the other cupping the back of your head.  His lips pressed gently against your forehead and you felt like you could breath again.  Before you were ready, he backed away.  V ran his hand through his hair and reached for his bag, pulling out some mini camera equipment.  It surprised you.

“You actually have that on hand?” you asked.  You’d just asked about it offhandedly, not expecting him to actually have it.  He glanced at you with a nervous smile then continued looking for an inconspicuous place on your shelf to hide the tiny camera.

“I’d actually just ordered some of these… and had a couple extras so I brought them to the office.” 

“Are other people here getting vandalized?” you asked, confused.  He didn’t look at you. 

“Something like that…” He got it in place and honestly, if you hadn’t known he’d just put it there, you wouldn’t have even guessed it was a camera.  “You’re set.  It’s on, and the battery life is pretty good.  We can check it in a few days…” he said, trailing off.  The silence was more awkward than it should be.  He looked down at your chair, then his eyes met yours… intense.

“I’m sorry I’ve been… out of touch the past couple days…” he said, turning away from you and glancing around the office.  “Personal issues… but still… I should have-”

“It’s ok,” you said, cutting him off.  The fact that he was here… that he’d brought it up first… your frustration and anxiety over the situation had all but vanished..

“It’s not ok…” he said, taking a deep breath.  “I mean… we…”  He didn’t go on, but met your eyes with a look that held all of what you’d done and had almost done together in the break room.  Your toes curled in your shoes and your lips slightly parted.  He looked down to your lips and licked his own before meeting your eyes again.  “...it’s not ok…” he said, his voice a low purr.  The tension between you in that small space was thick and heavy… so much so that you were almost breathing it in.

“V...I…”  Your phone buzzed and you both jumped.  You looked down to see a reminder message on your phone’s lockscreen. “Damn it… I have a meeting…” you said picking the phone up and checking the time.

“No problem,” he said, picking up his bag.  He turned to leave but stopped and looked back.  “I...have plans tonight and I’m out of the office tomorrow… but I’ll call you the day after…”  He seemed hesitant, and you wanted to ask why, but again… this was pretty new and if he didn’t want to share something personal with you, it wasn't your place to ask about it.

“I’m actually off tomorrow too… I have plans…”  You did… and yours were also private.  “But saturday…” 

“I’ll call you…” he said with a small smile.  He looked sad, and you wished you could help… do or say something… anything. But all you could do was nod.  He nodded as well and you watched him walk back to the elevators without looking back.

~

When you got back from your meeting, there was a brand new office chair at your desk.  V must have brought you a new one while you were in your meeting.  You smiled and sat down, running your hands over the smooth black armrests.  The meeting had gone well… Thompson’s team had jumped on your new ideas and run with them, making their presentation a success and earning you a bonus.  Your bosses had wanted to meet with you to discuss adding ‘consulting’ to your job description.  You could choose whether or not to participate, and if you did and the project was successful, you’d get another bonus.  It was more work, but when you saw the check they handed you, you readily agreed.  Working all night on a project due the next day wouldn’t happen again.  Teams could request your help or not, and overall, you were thrilled. 

You checked your email and saw one from your mom with the subject header: Be Careful.  You sighed and opened it, then clicked on the link to the article. 

Your stomach felt sick as you read the details… A woman had been found dead in an alley behind a bar.  She’d been beaten, sexually assaulted, and her throat had been cut.  Your hand went to your neck, fingering the skin there gently as you swallowed the lump in your throat.  Suspect still at large…  It then went on to explain what women should do to keep themselves safe.  You scoffed. 

Women knew what to do… You could do everything right and still have something like that happen.  Your eyes started to burn and you closed the article quickly.  You knew your mom just wanted you to be safe… especially after… 

“Hi…”  You jumped a little at Jackson’s voice next to you.  You turned to see him looking a little more serious than he had looked lately.  You blinked your eyes rapidly to get the moisture out and took a deep breath.

“Yeah?  What’s up?” you asked, crossing your legs and swiveling your chair towards him

“I… just wanted to stop by…” he said.  He looked over your cubicle quickly, and your gaze narrowed.  “Everything ok?”

“Just peachy…” you said, not elaborating.  He knew something…  You didn’t think he was the person who’d done it… Vandalism wasn’t Jackson’s style… but he definitely knew something.  He stood there awkwardly for a few minutes before coming into your cubicle and leaning against your desk.  You pushed your chair back a bit so you weren’t so close to him.

“I heard about your promotion…” he said...if you could call it that… “And I wanted to congratulate you.”  He was being serious for once and you weren’t entirely sure how to handle it.

“Thanks,” you said.  You waited until he finally looked at you, his eyes softening.

“Can I… take you to dinner tomorrow? To celebrate?” You were about to laugh when you realized how nervous… how sincere he was.  If he had acted this way three months ago, even two months ago, you might have given him a chance…. But now…  You smiled and sighed. 

“I can’t… I have plans…”

“With the computer guy?” he asked, a little sarcastically.

 “No…” you said softly.  You kept his gaze, waiting for him to realize it.  When he didn’t, you added.  “...think about it, Jackson.”  He looked puzzled for a moment, before it finally dawned on him.

“Oh… yeah…” he said, remembering.  “Right… You’re really going again?”

“It’s important to me…” you said, sadly.  It was very important to you…  He nodded, and looked at you, his eyes going to your neck.

“You don’t know how much that’s haunted me…” he said, and you were shocked. 

“It wasn’t your fault…” you said, standing up.

“If I had been there-”

“Who knows what would have happened?!”

“I miss you…” he said, his eyes looking hotly into yours and you froze.  “We were good, Y/N...and I know I screwed everything up… but…”  You put a hand on his arm. 

“I… I can’t…” you said, tears stinging your eyes.  You’d never imagined having this conversation with him.  He’d been so… arrogant… so unapologetic during your break up.  You thought your three years together had meant nothing to him.  “You really hurt me…”

“I know…” he said taking your hand.  “But I can make it up to you… I swear…”  You shook your head and closed your eyes.

“Jackson��” 

“Give me a chance… please…”  Please?  You got an actual please out of Jackson Wang?  

“Why now?” You asked, needing to know.

“I wanted to give you time… time to get over what happened… I never wanted you out of my life.” He held your hand and you let him.

“But...you're seeing two different women right now…”

“Hey, I'm not dead…” he smirked, “but they're nothing compared to you.” You hurt for him...and for the women he was seeing… “When I saw you...with him, I snapped…” he said, squeezing your hand tightly.  You looked at him seriously, and his eyes read yours all too easily. He knew you in this at least… “It’s Kim TaeHyung… isn’t it…”  Your eyebrows furrowed.  “The computer guy… I waited too long...”  

TaeHyung… V was TaeHyung…  You were almost shocked to realize that this was the first time you’d actually heard V’s full name… and you were hearing it from someone else… from Jackson of all people.

“There’s something there,” you said softly, “...and I have to see where it goes.  I’m sorry.”  Jackson laughed under his breath and moved away from you.  He kept his back to you and put his hands in his pockets. 

“For what it’s worth… I’m sorry…” he said glancing over his shoulder but not quite meeting your eyes.  “About everything…”  Your chest ached and you felt tears in your eyes. 

“...thank you…”  Your voice was barely a whisper.  He made an almost imperceptible nod with his head and walked down the aisle towards the 6th floor business offices. 

You sat down and wiped a tear from your eye.  You’d never imagined that he would actually apologize… that he would ever want you back… It hadn’t been all bad with Jackson.  That first year… he was perfect.  Things had seemed to work so well between you.  You had talked about moving in together...the future… and you’d seemed happy.  He’d seemed happy with you.  You thought he was going to propose that night...but instead he’d told you he was being transferred at work.  That the promotion would be good for the both of you, and he wanted you to move with him. 

But you still had another year of school left… just one more year… and you didn’t want to transfer schools for your senior year.  You’d go, just not yet.  You’d visited him a lot...at first.  Then one night you had a bad fight… and afterwards… You shook your head to keep from remembering the afterwards.  He’d felt so guilty… like it had been his fault, but you knew it wasn’t.  You knew...but you knew there was a part of you that blamed him.  And that was the beginning of the end.  Visits on both ends became less and less… Even after you graduated you put off moving right away, even though he’d asked you to.  But he let it go pretty easily… and when you finally made it to him… and you were asleep in his bed the second or third night after your move… you had an unexpected visitor to his apartment.  You didn’t even remember her name now...Rachel? Remmy? Something like that… She’d shown up in nothing but a knee-length black trench coat and red heels, making it obvious why she’d come. 

She’d had a key to his apartment.  And Jackson had put the blame on you...asking what you expected him to do when he’d waited so long for you to finally come to him.  But now he was sorry… now he wanted to make things work?  Now?!  

You tried to take a deep breath to collect yourself.  You never left the office early, but you would today.  You grabbed your purse from your drawer, shut down your computer, and all but ran for the elevators.  Once inside you practically fell against the railing.  Nothing like a crap ton of emotional drama to completely derail you. 

Tomorrow wouldn’t be any better… but you had the weekend to recover.

And V. 

TaeHyung.

~~~~~~~~~~

TaeHyung sat in the backseat of the car, while Yoongi drove and Jimin sat in the passenger seat.  He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the window, trying to let the cool glass ease the headache starting to form.  His stomach was churning as though he was on a boat in the middle of the ocean.  He reached for his water bottle and took a drink.  It helped… a little… He closed his eyes again, this time leaning his head back against the headrest.

He had gone to see you yesterday before he left, but you were gone.  He’d wanted to know if you liked the new chair he’d gotten you.

Ok… that was an excuse.  Tae had needed to see you again…  he’d wanted to hold you… It calmed him and he’d felt like he was going crazy.  He also felt like he was using you to make himself feel better…  But you hadn’t been there, and he didn’t feel like he could contact you just now.  You had plans… he had plans…  maybe tomorrow…

He hadn’t slept well either, which was no surprise.  The dream was back… and it made him feel even worse because he knew he was coming here today.  He opened his eyes as the car slowed down and pulled into the cemetery parking lot.  Jimin and Yoongi had been quiet.  They knew how much he was dreading this… how much he needed this…  He hadn’t been able to face HoSeok for 2 years, but was finally going to do it today.  They all got out of the car, and Tae followed behind them as they started walking up the drive.  They turned up the sidewalk, following a path that led behind a row of cherry trees…  They weren’t in bloom… it was too late in the year… but TaeHyung could only imagine how hauntingly beautiful the effect would be if he came earlier in the year.  Maybe he would.

You were giving him strength.  When he was with you, he felt like he had something to live for… someone to protect… a reason to keep going.  He felt like an idiot, thinking those things… and maybe he was.  Maybe it would be ok though… Maybe… The guys turned up a set of stone steps, leading to a few rows of gravestones on a hillside.  They kept going until they got to the top of the hill, and stopped under a large tree.  Tae stopped too, and met their eyes.

“We talked about it before,” Jimin said, “You can go ahead without us first… and say whatever you need to say.”  Tae felt his eyes start to sting and his chest constrict.

“Just let us know when you want us to come over, and we will,” said Yoongi, putting a firm hand on Tae’s shoulder.  TaeHyung nodded and pursed his lips together tightly.

“He’s just down there…” Jimin pointed.  “the fifth stone...”  Tae took a deep breath and started walking.  Each step felt like it added a ten pound weight to each foot.  His breathing quickened and he wanted to run.  But he wouldn’t.  He’d do it this time…  Finally, he stopped in front of an average sized stone block, and looked down.

‘Jung HoSeok, Beloved Son and Friend’

Friend…

The dates were there too, along with a photo just below his name.  He was smiling…

HoSeok’s smile…

TaeHyung choked on a sob. He couldn't hold back and fell to his knees in front of the gravestone, hands resting in his lap. He bowed his head to the ground and didn't even try to wipe the tears away. He knew he was being loud but he couldn't hold back.  His hands clenched.

He could feel the knife…

“Hyung…” he choked.

He could feel the wetness of the blood on his hands…

“I'm… I'm so… sorry… Hyung….” He choked out between sobs.  He started to cough and raised his head up, covering his mouth with his forearm. His eyes met HoSoek’s in the photo, before his vision blurred again. His shoulders shook and his hand reached out to touch the edge of the frame.

‘V! Get over here!’

HoSeok putting him in a headlock...

‘V… you always just act without thinking!’

HoSeok putting an arm around him while watching a movie…

‘V… you’re such a brat… but I love ya…’

HoSeok holding up finger hearts at him like a complete idiot...

‘V…*cough*...didn’t...think… *blood*... your fault…*cough*...your…...fault...’

HoSeok struggling to breathe...HoSeok dying in his arms…

“V….?”

It took a moment for TaeHyung to register the voice beside him.  His eyes widened before he even looked up… to see you standing there.  

Why were you here… you couldn’t be here… No…. no no no….  

You had your hair pulled back, away from your face… you were wearing a black coat with a white blouse and black skirt… black flats… He looked you up and down slowly, trying to comprehend what he was seeing.

You were holding a bouquet of peach colored roses wrapped in clear plastic, and your face was confused… as confused as his was.  Tae stood quickly, feeling slightly dizzy.

“V...what are you…” you started.  You stopped and swallowed, your eyes glistening.  “Why are you here?”  Tae looked back at HoSeok’s grave… at HoSeok smiling.  Another tear fell down his cheek as his breath came faster.  He looked back at you in horror as it started to dawn on him, his eyes going to your neck.  He took a step closer to you and you seemed nervous.

And there it was… He’d never noticed it before, because he hadn’t even thought to look for it.  A faint white scar….stretching from just under your ear to mid-jaw.  It hadn’t been deep… just a surface cut…  TaeHyung looked past you and saw Jimin and Yoongi… they looked worried.  Yoongi started to walk towards you, Jimin following.  

Tae started to hyperventilate.

“V… please…” you reached for his arm, but he slapped your hand away.  He couldn’t let you touch him... Not now… Without a word he walked past you.  He didn’t acknowledge Yoongi or Jimin as he passed them, even though they were asking him questions.  He couldn’t hear anything but the roaring in his ears.

As he leapt down the stone steps as fast as he could, he felt like the biggest fool that had ever lived.  You had been the one to make him forget this… you were becoming his calm… had become his peace…

Another sob coughed it’s way up his chest as he ran by the cherry trees… it was almost a laugh…

You….his peace? What a fucking joke!

It might be his fault…

But all this had happened…because of you.

~~~~~~~~~~

End Chapter

 *A/N*  As always, all comments/feedback greatly appreciated!  Thanks for reading!

[houseinva]

Toxic individuals lure you into a false sense of security simply to have a platform to showcase their cruelty. Baiting you into a mindless, chaotic argument can escalate into a showdown rather quickly with someone who doesn’t know the meaning of respect. A simple disagreement may bait you into responding politely initially, until it becomes clear that the person has a malicious motive of tearing you down. By “baiting” you with a seemingly innocuous comment disguised as a rational one, they can then begin to play with you. Remember: narcissistic abusers have learned about your insecurities, the unsettling catchphrases that interrupt your confidence, and the disturbing topics that reenact your wounds – and they use this knowledge maliciously to provoke you. After you’ve fallen for it, hook line and sinker, they’ll stand back and innocently ask whether you’re “okay” and talk about how they didn’t ��mean” to agitate you. This faux innocence works to catch you off guard and make you believe that they truly didn’t intend to hurt you, until it happens so often you can’t deny the reality of their malice any longer. It helps to realize when you’re being baited so you can avoid engaging altogether.

I didn’t understand the concept of narcissistic supply back then, I didn’t understand that Ben felt validated by and alive from any sort of attention I gave him. Good or bad, positive or negative, attention to a narcissist is all that matters, it’s what feeds the False Self’s feelings of importance, of being valuable, and of being “real” whereas the narcissist’s False Self isn’t real, it’s nothing more than smoke and mirrors.

It didn’t matter how I reacted, as long as I didn’t  react or show indifference or silence, I was validating the existence of Ben’s False Self as being genuine and authentic instead of something Ben created to hide his disordered, flawed, wounded and damaged True Self.

Since Ben was my sexual awakening and had a tremendous impact on my life, I was still trapped in the mind-set induced by love-bombing; I believed that Ben was good deep-down despite at times showing a lack of empathy and interpersonal exploitation. While I knew he lied a lot, I still tended to believe what he said most of the time, especially when he lied directly to my face (as opposed to lying by text message, email or phone). I’ll give Ben credit: he’s one hell of a believable liar. When Ben claimed to be introverted and needed his “alone time” as opposed to intentionally and knowingly driving me mad with the silent treatment, I accepted his words as truthful.

Ben now said not to ever worry again about being discarded as he swore that would never happen again. He claimed he’d invested far too much into me to just throw me away and discard me, promising me that the days of discarding were days of the past and I need not worry about that issue anymore. Ben knew I’d been conditioned into being triggered the moment anything discard-related was mentioned into freaking out and flying off the deep end.

There was one instance when I sat down with Ben and pulled up literature on being “triggered,” trying to educate him on the importance of not bringing up my vulnerabilities or triggers. I believed that this teaching / learning experience made this “register” with him. I failed to realize I’d essentially  given him the blueprints on how to drive me insane.

I was aware of Ben seeming to create problems out of thin air at times when it wasn’t necessary, but I always assumed he was just slightly paranoid and overly sensitive. I never considered he’d done these things on purpose, especially not since he’d claimed he was working so hard to be the ideal version of himself that he saw in his head.

They create imaginary scenarios out of thin air just to blame you for them. A narcissist is a pathological liar – someone who will lie just for the fun of it. They draw amusement and entertainment from their victims   having to defend themselves against baseless accusations. Blame shifting ensures that the target is on edge, restless, and wastes their energy   trying to explain themselves rather than simply stating the facts and standing firm in their self-validation.

October 2017

One night Ben called to say that “those  people” called asking questions about me; “those people” was how Ben referred to the officers that had arrested John, my neighbor who befriended me right before I met Ben in round one.  Ben’s other boyfriend, the one he’d claimed to be breaking up with any moment since he returned for round two, was their confidential informant according to Ben. I did a random background check on his boyfriend and his arrest record corroborated Ben’s claims, as well. I thought Ben was trying to “throw me off,” there was no reason they’d want anything to do with me.

But then, days later I received  their call. My subsequent visit to see “those people” cost me $4k for an attorney and we found out nothing. Initially they said they had reason to believed I’d committed a crime in Maryland. I thought to myself:

They must have me confused with someone else. Outside of visiting my family and when I worked there well over a year ago, the only time I’ve been to Maryland was that one time when Ben literally yanked me out of bed and dragged me to his house for that god-awful threesome with him and his boyfriend.

I never considered there was any connection. I told them I didn’t know what they were talking about. The officers seemed anxious and fidgety; they tried offering me something to sign that would give me immunity if I told them what I knew only I didn’t know what they were talking about. We’d met them in Virginia and my lawyer read over the paper, stating it didn’t appear to give me immunity in DC where I lived. He said he wasn’t recommending I sign anything. Then the officers acted even stranger and started talking about random things unrelated to crime.

The one agent showed me his new iPhone, letting me play with it for a few minutes before we left. My lawyer described this as the strangest interaction with police in his career. I had no clue why they’d even contacted me but they sure were a lot kinder this time with an attorney present than they were when I first met them in that van in Northern Virginia. That was the time when I was leaving and the one officer cautioned me against using gay chat apps and dating sites, saying they could get me into trouble one day. All I knew was I didn’t want anything to do with those people and I was glad this random meeting went smoothly.

When I told Ben, he claimed he was joking when he said they called him asking about me and, given the coincidence, he didn’t feel safe anymore with me, using it as an excuse to discard me yet again, the fucker. Within two weeks, Ben was back at my side like always, of course, not acknowledging having discarded me nor apologizing either, which was expected. The whole thing was weird but I just thought it was another random, weird event in life, never thinking about on it.

One night Ben came over to celebrate Valentine’s day with me. When he  was leaving, he did something that was completely unlike him: he kissed me goodbye, and for the second time in our nearly year-long romance, he said:

I love you.

I was smitten, and I was taken aback as it was so unlike Ben to be romantic in the slightest. Despite us having more sex in a week than most do in their lifetimes, the element of love or romance was never present, at least not on his part. He went on to say that he’d likely return later to spend the night after he took care of a few things at home. In typical Ben fashion, he never returned, instead leaving me to stay up all night long waiting in anticipation. That’s something Ben did all the fucking time, he’d leave me hanging based on supposed plans that never came through. The next day I discovered Ben sent me an email shortly after midnight,  with the subject line reading:

Those people.

Ben claimed when he left my place that night, he saw police outside, shining a flashlight inside his car and felt too frightened to return to my place again after my run-in with “those people” months before.

I’d told him about what went down when I met with them, and he knew there was nothing to worry about, there was nothing going on and they must have been mistaken.

Ben also claimed they didn’t say a word to him and it sounded like some random group of police in the city at night, which is fairly common. It made no sense why he felt so shaken up and his language also seemed… hokey, it wasn’t typical for Ben, it seemed like he was making this up just to throw me off like he seemed to enjoy doing so often. Once a few more emails came through from him, I wasn’t buying his story at all anymore.

We will talk and maybe see each other in public somewhere. I’ve never been that shook before and I’m not trying to start anything.

What? What? What? Where was this coming from? Why would Ben seeing police outside result in him deciding never to return again to my home, limiting our time together to seeing each other in public, and cause him to suddenly decide to move home with his parents? This was making absolutely no sense whatsoever, and Ben was a magnificent liar whereas this time it was blatantly obvious he was lying through his teeth. But not matter what I said, he’d manage to flip it back around on me, making me appear like I was the the bad guy, the unreasonable one, and the asshole. The last time i saw him, Ben kissed me goodnight and said he loved me only for this to be our next encounter; not only was this was ridiculous, but for Ben’s lying kills to be this shitty this meant something was truly off.

You’re right I could be over reacting to the whole police thing but instead of helping me and or calming me down to make me feel safe you attack me? Is that what you to to someone you care about?

I’ll admit I didn’t save my responses to him but they weren’t over the top or mean like he suggested in his responses. I felt like he was lying though, I knew he was lying, but I couldn’t prove it. His reaction just seemed so extreme over something as run of the mill as police in DC streets at night. If anything he should have felt safe knowing that police were around in my neighborhood, it’s not like either one of us was up to trouble. This was nonsense. Ben was back at his favorite past-time again: fucking with my head. That I was certain of, although he’d never admit it, just like he’d never admit any of the mind games he loved screwing my mind with.

This annoying game dragged on for the entire week – first claiming he  was too scared to come back, then attacking me for questioning the validity of his claims instead of supporting him during a time of need. This was Ben’s way of dangling the discard carrot in front of my face indirectly in a way that he could claim was clearly not an attempt to discard me. The boy wasn’t content unless he was fucking with my head and provoking me. As stupid as it sounds, this whole ordeal threw me off for the entire week, I was depressed and on edge and convinced I’d never see Ben again. That Thursday night, I noticed something: the sex toy cabinet that Ben had stocked full of adult novelties was empty. Ben had been filling it for the last 9 months and suddenly nothing was there. What the hell? That little turd face had taken them all home with him before leaving that night, there was nowhere else they could have gone. He hadn’t seen police for certain, that was all one giant excuse for ending things with me but not wanting me to call him out for discarding me like always.

I was so angry at Ben and his never-ending mind games. He refused to respond to my email, leaving me to feel discarded yet again. Then Saturday morning, I received the email below, which makes me refer to Ben as a turd face squared

I just dropped [other boyfriend] off and might go to school. If I hear from you I’m open to talking fucking or just hanging out. The police thing still scares me but you’ve been a good friend for the most part so I don’t see that ending so easily.

That little turd had chosen to bait me into a mind-fucking, impossible argument that threw me off for an entire week only to send me the above and stop over that day. Of course there was no apology and he insisted the police incident was real and traumatizing.

Later on in rereading his emails, I noted something, which I underlined below:

Come to find out Ben had been snooping through my cell phone and email and saw that I referred to him as a narcissist in communication I had with my therapist. I didn’t notice Ben’s Freudian slip above about “talking behind my back about me to other people” until several weeks later. I approached him about this and he was honest for once, at least so I believe, in admitting to reading what I’d sent to my therapist about him. He’d planned out this whole thing because of my use of the goddamn, other “n-word.”

[asiatic-fashion-blog]

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When aiming to start an online service, a lot of us get on a shoe string spending plan. This indicates the huge time of paid web traffic as well as heavy promotion experiments run out reach for a great deal of beginners. So producing internet site web traffic (at least to begin) ought to mainly be from complimentary resources. Now that doesn't indicate that you cannot get excellent web traffic completely free. You can! Free targeted web traffic that converts. If you know precisely what to do. I will provide 5 ways of how you can set about securing free website traffic for your business/website. I would certainly also like to recommend that even if you are currently at a factor where you like making use of paid traffic, you will still locate these techniques functioning well for you together with your paid resources. Anyways, just what's complimentary is amazing (I love the * complimentary * stuff!), so why not claim it on your own? So, allow's get right to it, will we: # 1: EMAIL SIGNATURES Okay, the less complex source first. Currently I know people are going - "Oh no! Not those ...". Right here's a little understanding: Individuals utilize email signatures the incorrect way! That's why they backfire. I'm not discussing email you send from your auto-responder. Utilize this in mails that you would send out to a regular individual, not on your checklist. Every email you send out is a traffic creating opportunity. Don't lose it! People in the world send out and obtain millions of e-mails a day utilizing their cost-free e-mail service. But keep in mind, it's a website traffic obtaining device, not a difficult selling tool. What the majority of individuals consider when they use e-mail signatures is a timeless calligraphy of their name or text based contact details as well as calling card at the bottom of an e-mail.

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And also contrary to popular misunderstandings, you can put anything in your podcast - songs, audio messages, video, pdf data, documents, zip files - nearly whatever your mind wishes to develop - so long as it's lawful web content. Exactly what's excellent concerning podcasts is that iTunes will instantly update people that're subscribed to your podcast, unlike RSS feeds where you're entrusted to the rate of interest of the consumer. iTunes develops that rate of interest for you, thanks to it's excellent layout as well as innovative web content delivery. I've attempted even installing gibberish on iTunes one or two times and also still handled to obtain some traffic. No initiative whatsoever. # 5: SEARCH ENGINE TRAFFIC, ANYONE ?? Okay, I maintained the bomb for completion. Battling internet search engine as well as aiming to place well in Google is without a darkness of an uncertainty the very best type of complimentary web traffic available. Yet, unlike just what a lot of us would love to listen to, it's a pain in the butt!! It's a pain not just for the ordinary online entrepreneur, but additionally for seasoned computer designers as well as IT nerds who're tired of Google acting like their ex-girlfriend that keeps providing wishes and after that shatters them all at the critical moment by issuing an undesirable update. Not rather, huh? Fact be informed, if you were a quality guy who knew ways to deliver quality content every now and also then, without there being a lot of spammers that destroy the game for you, Google would never discard you! Yet alas, jerks constantly make it hard for the inadequate wonderful person, so till Mr. great person could discover his real feeling of manliness he's going to wind up nowhere. Sorry ... I digress. Well right here's a secret very few individuals are speaking about: Google acknowledges moving page rank. You can make use of that to your advantage. What I indicate is, if there's a site with a high Page Rank worth (higher than 5), it has authority in Google's eyes. And also you need to discover a site that has high page rank in addition to permits others to obtain that PR. This happens when a new sub-domain made on that particular web site will be able to share the PR (because of rel='dofollow' linking in it's HTML code ..."dofollow" indicates the Google bot does comply with linked web pages as well as scores them on a similar PR worth). So in short, construct your web pages on a web site that has dofollow linking and also allows you to produce subdomains on it, or include your very own domain names on it, without having to have the entire website. I'll conserve you the problem on this one. I found a location called webstarts.com, where you can develop your own website as well as it'll have a webstarts subdomain if you're using it for totally free. Now, webstarts has high page rank, so your web pages on webstarts will crush your competitors and struck the top of Google relatively rapidly, in some cases following a meal. currently if you want to possess your web pages on that particular website, it does set you back a tiny charge, yet hey ... you could utilize the totally free web pages initially and after that make some cash off it. then, opt for the paid domain name. I hope you appreciated these complimentary web site traffic generation strategies. Currently it's up to you to head out, execute them, develop your web traffic, and generate income from all that cost-free targeted internet site web traffic! ALL THE BEST.